Thursday, December 15, 2011

My Love Letter Pre LVAD Surgery...And Life Lessons..

Now I know what you're thinking, what does the love letter have to do with an LVAD blog...Well alot  because not only is this an LVAD blog, but it is also about our life and our love.

Today I wanted to share the importance of putting everything out there. If you are like me, sometimes I say it better on paper..or on a blog. I've gotten alot better though, Our relationship has gotten alot deeper since the LVAD surgery (and I love it)
 I've always been one those people that would regret words that had gone unsaid. I will add there are still people in my life that I have yet to say everything I want to to them ...but Jason is not one of them. The truth is sometimes its HARD to talk to people,( not Jason) thats when a letter is needed. That way you said everything, that is needed to be said, and what that person does with it is left up to them.

I've got to say, I've always been a sweet and tenderhearted person, but I never went out of my way to show strangers my true heart. Now, if they have impacted my life, I make sure to let them know no matter how awkward it makes me feel, Im always happy in the end. You never know how much something you say or do will impact someone elses life. Strangers that we have met that are so sweet, willing to offer advice, and truly care? They blow my mind each and every time, I have even be known to cry from an email a time or two.

I was given the impression as a child not to cry, and I still have I hard time when I just can't help it! I even apologized to Jason at a viewing this week, because I couldn't get "Strong" enough to stop. All he said was "It's ok Shannon" and just held my hand. Somehow, I have the mindset that cry is being weak, when it should only be letting others know you have a heart.

When Jason was in the hospital I was so scared a few days before his surgery, even though I knew God would be watching over him. I wrote him this letter so nothing would be left unsaid,( I knew if I started reading it myself, the flood gates were gonna open..)   ENJOY!

 I just wanted to write you a quick note, of encouraging words and of course love. I cannot believe that it has been almost a year in a half since “we” first began.OH MY GOSH! (can you hear me saying it…LOUD..?)  I still feel the same today, as I felt back then. You still give me butterflies, I still get nervous and our relationship never gets boring.
 I remember talking to you all night on the phone and knowing how lucky I was that we found each other again. Believe me,  I know we haven’t had the easiest road by any means, but our love conquered everything that anyone or anything threw at us.  There were plenty of times that we could’ve turn our back on one another, but It says a lot for us… that we never did.
I love so many things about us. The best thing, beside our love… is our laughter. I love laughing with you, and I love the way you hold on to me when you laugh. I love being close to you. I could never get close enough, or kiss you enough.  I know… I’m greedy right?
I could never imagine a life without you. You are the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about when I close my eyes at night (even though you’re right there!) I know I sound like the movies..but you complete me. I have everything I’ve always wanted with you.. and yes I mean everything . There’s no way for you to ever know how much love is in my heart for you.
I know we have a long, exciting, scary road ahead of us, but I am so ready for it. Yes, there may be days that things seem unfair..and it is, but we are blessed in so many other ways. How many people do you know that have the love that we have? Its sad to say, but not many.  I’ll be there to help you, to comfort you, to cry with you, to be happy with you and to cheer you on, every step of the way.
 That’s all for now, just don’t ever doubt my love for you, even for a minute.  I am honored to call you my boyfriend, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world  each and every day with you by my side.

All my love,  Shannon


1 comment:

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