Friday, January 27, 2012

LVAD Life & Love...

The LVAD life for us, really isn't any different from any other, in the aspect that you have good days and bad days. What is different is, every day I feel like I’m fighting for what’s right for my Jason, and sometimes it can get discouraging. I never want there to be a day that I don’t fight for Jason and an easier way of life for him. He is such a kind man, and has the biggest heart that I’ve ever known. He sees the good in strangers and thinks that everyone has his best interest at heart. When things go wrong, He is always the first one to say this is God’s plan and I believe everything he is saying, but sometimes, it doesn’t stop the tears from falling.  

Have you ever met or known someone that is meaner than dirt, but in perfect health?, Or someone that doesn’t care if they live or die? Those people frustrate me, but I have to say that I am also sad for those people, because I know that their life experiences have made them that way. When I look at Jason I see someone that is fighting to stay in this world every day and for someone to take that for granted…It just makes me sad.

Of course,  I do have to mention that fact that some women will fuss about their boyfriends or husbands and what they do and don’t do. It makes me feel sad, but of course I never say anything. What I want to say is, I hope my Jason will be here 50 years from now so I can fuss at him something so small…It makes you feel disconnected from people, because some don’t understand our life. We don’t worry about the small stuff, only BIG things matter in our house…

When Jason was place on hold on the transplant list, I felt like I wanted to cry for days. All I kept thinking about was that a heart was going to come in for my Jason, and he wasn’t going to be able to get it because of his lack of insurance.  Jason was the one that made my heart stop feeling so heavy. He said to me “Shannon, God will give me the heart that was meant for me"... It’s times like this that he blows my mind…Jason never ceases to amaze me. 

I would be lying if I said sometimes I don’t wish for a boring week every now and then. Still if I knew then what I know now, I would totally do everything a millions times over. Jason  is my rock and he is my passion. I never want to imagine my life without Jason in it. Along with my Children, he is my world. God blessed me the day I met Jason, and I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

I’ll never forget this. Before Jason’s LVAD surgery, I was so scared of the unknown,  I needed him to come back to me after surgery. I was talking with my sister Heather and I said  Heather ,I haven’t had enough time with him, we should’ve done this or that and she stopped me and said Shannon, you have had more meaningful  memories with Jason, than you’ve had  in your lifetime. She made me realized that day that she was right. God has shown me what love is, and although I may not have the perfect life from the outside looking in I have my perfect love, and he stands beside me…LVAD and all…

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